Retired and Still Dangerous: Senior Moments, Hilarious Jokes and Quotes for the Magnificently Mature by Graham Cann
Old age is when by the time the last birthday cake candle is lit, the first candle has burnt out.
I’m at an age when if I drop a fiver in the collection plate it’s not a donation, it’s an investment.
— Ralph Layton
If you think nobody cares whether you are alive or dead, try missing a couple of car payments.
— Ann Landers
Old age is when the candles cost more than the cake.
On reaching the age of 100: if I had known I was gonna live this long I’d have taken better care of myself.
— Eubie Blake
I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m pleased to be anywhere.
— George Burns