The Invisible Dimension: Book 2 In The Greegs Universe by Zack Mitchell & Danny Mendlow
The Happiness Salesman, a low ranking KLF foot soldier, boarded Rip and Wilx’s Vessel with a smile. “Hey Fellas! Who wants some happiness?” he honked a silly horn-like device and danced a shuffle
with a grin.
“Happiness isn’t a thing, it’s an emotion,” said Wilx, not wanting to play along in the slightest. “And right now the insanely oppressive volume of deadly Blaster Rays aimed directly at our tiny convoy is significantly reducing the odds of us expressing it any time soon.”
“Well that’s a shame! Here in the new and improved Kroonum System we value happiness above all else. And if visitors from OutsideLand don’t want to feel happy and play along with the happy happy fun the rest of us are having… we have to go ahead and offer you a free Attitude Adjustment Clinic.”
“That sounds an awful lot like jail,” suspiciously muttered Rip.
“We don’t really concern ourselves with what you call things in OutsideLand. Here in Kroonum 2.0, we’re only concerned with being the happiest we can be, and we sure hope the rest of you Outsiders learn from our example. We are after all, the original, Master System, and no other Solar System should really ever do anything except look up to our shiny, shiny example we cast on the rest of the Universe. Wouldn’t you agree?”
At this point, the creepy salesman offered a simple, red balloon to Wilx, who out of curiosity very nearly reached out and grabbed it, before noticing the scroll attached to the string. “What’s with the scroll?”
“Oh that? That’s just a simple little document outlining the Happiness Agreement we’ve agreed upon henceforth, after you’ve accepted this balloon, aka the terms contained within this happy balloon-scroll- contract.”
“And what would the terms of the balloon-scroll- contract be?”
“I wouldn’t concern myself with that. All you need to know is how happy it’ll make us.”
“Well what kind of deal is that?” incensed Rip. “Why would I care if you’re happy? Shouldn’t you be selling happiness to us? Not taking it from us? You’re not a happiness salesman at all! You’re a happiness thief!”
At this accusation the salesman grew very disappointed. “Well, I can’t say I’m surprised gentlemen. Just disappointed. I thought we could all be happy today.” In a well-rehearsed farce of thespianism, the Happiness Salesman pulled out a small pin and popped the balloon-like object. It fell limp to the floor. He dropped the scroll to the ground and boarded his ship. In a very pretty display of flashing lights, fireworks and carnival music, the platoon of deadly KLF Joy-Ships were alerted to the fact that yet another Outsider wished to be unhappy today.
“So strange,” thought every one of the well- conditioned pilots as they ensnared the two ships, hauled their inhabitants off to the AAC and towed the half-planet over to the impound lot. “Why don’t they just want to be happy like us? Why do they insist on being unhappy? It’s so much harder.”
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“I’ve little to offer in return,” she said, her voice roughened by years, “but I can give you something better than coin.”
