Buck spent his whole life living a lie and struggling with being an asshole. This is his story.
Bad Decisions: Life Is Hard, Especially When You’re an Asshole by Buck Brennan
This is the vivid, heartbreaking, and harrowing true story of what life is life as an asshole. Some critics are calling it the most important book since the Bible. It is the kind of book that will change your life forever. If you don’t believe me, my third cousin from Jersey didn’t read it, and he’s still on heroin. My neighbor didn’t read it either, and he is still really fat. My nan and pap didn’t read it. Now they are both dead.
Buck Brennan spent his whole life living a lie, the same way gay people do before they realize they are gay. He tried to fit in and do things he thought normal people do like have manners, chew with their mouth closed, and not pee all over the toilet seat, but it never felt natural to Buck. Deep down inside he had this burning desire to talk during movies, wipe boogies on the couch, put empty milk cartons back in the fridge, and squeeze the toothpaste from the top.
Even as small a child, Buck would find himself staring off into the distance in parking lots, longing for the day when he could someday drive his own car so he could take up two spaces. Buck spent his whole life struggling with being an asshole. This is his story.
About the author, Buck Brennan:
Buck Brennan is best known for being late for work, gross farts, and yelling at his kids in Wal-Mart.
Buck came from very humble beginnings where he remains even today. He was born in 1979 in rural Pennsylvania just outside of Philadelphia where he would spend the better part of his childhood masturbating to his dad’s Penthouse magazines. By the time he was 14, he was considered to be one of the most active masturbaters of his generation. Eventually he got married and had two kids named Tucker and Macy, but his love for masturbation never waned. In fact, he still masturbates today when no one is home or when he is the shower.
By the time Buck was 25, he needed to find a Goddamn job and move the fuck out so he could start paying for his own goddamn bills already. At least that is what his parents were always telling him. What his parents didn’t understand was that he was a Psychology major, and Psychology majors don’t get good jobs or move out of their parents’ house. Without the charm or good looks to enter the lucrative world of pharma sales like his parents wanted him to, Buck did the only thing he could to make money. He became a high school guidance counselor. Currently, Buck lives in rural PA with his dog, his cat, and his two children. In his free time, he enjoys giving Dutch Ovens, complaining about stuff, and fighting with his ex-wife.
Someone screams inside the old, neglected Victorian house next door, and Tina Shaw runs to find out what’s wrong. A woman bursts out the door saying her aunt is dead. Murdered. Tina notices that the hallway is piled high with cartons. Later when the woman begs her to help clean up the house, Tina hesitates. She’s just begun a career as a professional organizer, though, and her hands itch to start on a new job.
